I’ve ditched social media, not because I’m some enlightened monk, but because it was turning my brain into a cesspool of despair. Research has shown that doomscrolling and engaging in social media arguments can trap individuals in a cycle of poor mental health, with mental health issues surging in the population.

But hey, let’s not blame the tools, right? Technological determinism is the idea that technology shapes social change.

It’s a cop-out, an excuse to let our gadgets dictate our lives.

Fast forward a few years, and we’ll all be part of a seamless digital orgy—the Singularity. Our feeble human brains will need augmentation just to keep up, making us to AI superconsciousness what a prawn is to a gnat. FFS, LOL.

I’m not on social media anymore. Not because I’m above it or because I got tired of seeing Karen’s minivan remodel—it’s because it wrecked my head. It wasn’t just the endless doomscrolling, the curated perfection, or the vague sense of “God, why do I even exist if I can’t monetize my hobbies?” No, it was the creeping, relentless erosion of joy.

Research backs this up. A study from the University of Pennsylvania found that limiting social media use can significantly reduce feelings of loneliness and depression​​. Another in JAMA Pediatrics linked increased screen time to higher rates of anxiety and depression in teenagers. You know it’s bad when even teenagers—those high-octane angst machines—are saying, “Yeah, Instagram is making me sadder than my parents’ divorce.”

But here’s the thing: I refuse to buy into the narrative of technological determinism. This idea that our gadgets are controlling us, shaping us, turning us into dopamine junkies on an algorithmic drip-feed? Nah. That’s like blaming spoons for obesity. Social media didn’t make me depressed—it just gave my depression a flashy, filter-heavy platform to scream on.

And while we’re blaming technology for everything short of bad weather, let’s remember that in a few years, we’ll probably all be part of the Singularity anyway. Forget Facebook; we’re going to upload ourselves to the great digital orgy in the cloud. Imagine it: your consciousness blended into a vast AI superintelligence, your memories and thoughts coiling around someone else’s like a cosmic data orgy. There’ll be no posts, no likes—just pure, unfettered connection.

Our puny human brains? They’ll need augmentation just to comprehend what’s going on. The way we’ll perceive AI will be like how prawns might view humans: an incomprehensible, god-like entity that moves too fast, thinks too vast, and leaves us scrambling to keep up. A prawn doesn’t know it’s a prawn, but we will. We’ll be the gnats in this analogy, buzzing around the AI superconsciousness, trying to process what it means to exist in a post-human paradigm.

So yeah, I quit social media because it made me depressed. But in a decade? I’ll be too busy learning how to merge with the digital singularity to care. Until then, enjoy your memes.