Answer: No. No I can’t. You can’t.
People are always commenting on my writing. Saying, “Hey Stephen, why are you so angry, shouty, annoying, rude, crass and fucking foul mouthed, you shitter?”
To which I reply, “Why do I always ask myself these stupid question in the mirror?”
We all know nobody reads my stuff, but maybe one reason is that me (and my salty oaths) are just misunderstood. So here is some actual evidence about ‘effing and blinding.
Swearing and the Symphony of Human Genius
Swearing isn’t just language—it’s an emotional symphony, each curse a note plucked straight from the raw nerves of human existence. You stub your toe, the pain tears through you, and out comes a primal “Fuck!” It’s not just noise; it’s therapy wrapped in syllables, a linguistic middle finger to the agony of being alive.
Swearing as Medicine
Science backs the howl. Richard Stephens ran an experiment where people dunked their hands in ice water. Those who swore held on longer—pain tolerance rising like junkies on the first hit. Swearing releases adrenaline, a chemical “up yours” to pain.
Stress and Swearing: The Dynamic Duo
Your boss drops another task on your already heaving plate. “Bloody hell,” you mutter. Science nods approvingly. The amygdala—the brain’s stress centre—gets a dose of relief when you let those expletives fly. Swearing doesn’t just vent the steam; it recalibrates the engine.
The Creative Profanity Cortex
What about the genius behind a perfectly crafted curse? Kristin Jay and Timothy Jay discovered that the more fluent you are in profanity, the better your overall vocabulary. In short: if you can string together “twat-waffle” or “bellend supreme,” you’re not dumb—you’re a wordsmith extraordinaire.
Cognitive Gymnastics
Creative cursing requires mental acrobatics. You’re combining verbal dexterity with social awareness—when to drop the f-bomb and when to holster it. It’s intellect masquerading as filth, the kind of thing Shakespeare might’ve muttered under his breath while crafting iambic pentameter.
Why It Matters
Swearing is rebellion and connection. It’s the gritty poetry of everyday speech. When you curse, you’re tapping into a rich tradition of language that breaks the rules and, by doing so, reinvents them.
And that, ladies and gentletwats, is why I swear. Now fuck off and buy my books! Please!
Aw… I want to know more
Wanna Read a book about this? Have at: (not mine but if you click this I steal a bit of the money from Amazon to fuel my long list of court fees for obscenity trials).
Swearing Is Good For You: The Amazing Science of Bad Language
