This #pwem is featured in my amazing nonBESTSELLER book, Ratio: An eX Twitter Eulogy by Hungry Wolf Press.
I wrote this poem in 2017 and as far as I can tell I just typed it directly into FarceBuck. At the time I was blissfully unaware, but reading it today it really smacks of Musk.
Audiophiles put this GBH in your lugholes
What To Do if the Moon Explodes
Scientists are sending a rocket to the moon
It will be loaded with nukes and dynamite and stuff that goes boom
They plan to test the moon’s durability against such attacks
The motive behind the project is pure scientific facts
People have criticised the whole thing saying
What if the moon really does blow up?
If that happens the earth’s orbit would be compromised and
Tides would change
Mountains would be flattened
An ice age might come from nowhere
Or we could all spin off and crash into Venus
We’d all be up a certain solar creek
Some have called the project “innovative”
Whilst critics call it “suicidally irresponsible”
But curiosity won’t be satisfied until the moon’s strength
Has been put to the test
How can we know that it won’t suddenly crumble to chalk in the sky one day?
How can we sleep in our beds at night
If we don’t send a nuke up there first and give it a good shake?
This really needs to be done,
It needs to be done soon
And it needs to be done with nukes on the taxpayer’s bill
So up goes the rocket
3, 2, 1 blast-off
And later there’s the live footage
Astronauts rigging the moon to blow
“Houston, we got her primed for a party, hit the button on my mark”
3, 2, 1 boom
And the moon starts reverberating
Like a giant cymbal made of thin stone
The moon gyres and gimbles
Cracks start to appear
“I told you we never should have come up here”
One slightly less idiotic astronaut yells in the other astronaut’s ear
“No no, she’ll hold. She can take it, can’t you my dear?”
Meanwhile the entire world watches in the grip of fear
How would you rather the scenario ends?
The moon goes caput, or she holds and we do it again
Whichever it is the moral stays the same
The human race is fucking insane.
Gah! MY EYES!
Guess what! I even made a LubeChew video about this as well. Here it is all embedded. My favourite part is the bit where the woman slaps the man even though it was totally not his fault.
SHAMELESS MARKETING BABBLE:
If you subscribe to me at Substack and go to the Chat bit and ask nicely I will even send you a free Audibook version. FREE. AUDIOBOOK. YES. Wait, what’s that, you don’t want it… nah, I can’t say I am surprised. Thanks for reading all the way down here though. You must be really bored… Sure you don’t want that book?
