The meaning of organic life, simplified.

4:03 AM: The cylindrical mass stirred, alarmed by internal chemical processes. It emitted a wheezing noise through its respiratory tube, a signal for immediate action. The older, four-legged hairy tube paced the room, its digestive anatomy spasming with urgency. A glistening trail of excretory residue marked its path across the tiled terrain.

The bipedal reproductive tube, semi-conscious, clumsily extended appendages toward the wrinkled leash coil. The leash, a synthetic tether with a cost of $15.99, was attached to the elder’s cylindrical body, a precaution against untethered movement in the external hunting ground.

They stepped into the predawn darkness, the hairy quadrupedal tube hunching suddenly. Its waste matter erupted, steaming in the January air—a product of the digestive cycle powered by commercial brown kibble ($49.99 per 30-pound bag). The bipedal tube’s sensory organ wrinkled in a futile display of disgust as the fecal matter joined the ecosystem.

5:00 AM: Back within the containment unit, the bipedal life form, designated as “father tube” by the younger inhabitants of the space, began the energy restoration process. Hot liquid (coffee, $12.99 per pound) was poured into a ceramic containment vessel. The youngest cylindrical inhabitant, a partially developed genetic duplicate, stumbled to the table, clutching a rectangular carbohydrate disk covered in a viscous dairy secretion (cereal and milk: $8.00 per meal).

The father tube regarded the smaller tube, recalling the costs: prenatal care ($14,000), education to date (indeterminate). The smaller being chewed mindlessly, internal enzymes dismantling the cereal’s sugar polymers.

6:30 AM: A transition ritual. The father tube dressed its outer membrane in a cloth casing (suit, $249.99) and departed in a mobile metallic pod requiring regular liquid hydrocarbon infusion ($3.79 per gallon). Tubes in other pods swarmed the asphalt arteries of the land, each advancing toward its respective cell in the hive of economic exchange.

At the hive, the father tube exchanged time and mental processing units for monetary credits, which were converted back into survival inputs for the other tubes. These exchanges occurred under artificial light, within a cuboidal space outfitted with a chair ($150) and desk ($300).

12:00 PM: Lunch break. The father tube exchanged $9.99 for a rectangle of flattened grain encasing sliced animal muscle. This muscle was the byproduct of another tube’s circulatory collapse, its life extinguished for fuel. The tube devoured its portion, digestive acids reducing it to fuel for its own survival cycle.

5:00 PM: The tubes convened at the containment unit for another energy exchange. This time, the elder tube emitted barking sounds, its tone demanding. Its soft brown eyes reflected desperate instinct. More digestion, more excretion, endless loops of hunger, satisfaction, and waste. The smaller genetic duplicate scribbled incomprehensible symbols on a page—a $2.50 spiral notebook destined for decomposition long before it contributed to the hive.

8:00 PM: The family tubes, passive now, congregated before a glowing rectangle ($799.99) displaying moving images. Their sensory organs absorbed narratives of simulated tube life, reflections of their own cycles rendered as entertainment. Calories burned throughout the day were not replaced; the father tube gripped a beer can, bitter liquid trickling down his throat ($8.99 per six-pack).

11:00 PM: Lights dimmed. The tubes folded themselves into padded compartments, preparing for a temporary cessation of all but autonomic functions. The hairy quadrupedal tube snored softly in its corner, having evacuated its bowels five times that day.

All were quiet except for the faint hum of the refrigerator, a $499.99 device maintaining the rot of biological matter at bay for another 48 hours. The father tube lay still, its purpose undefined beyond the constant feeding, cleaning, and housing of other tubes. Its chest rose and fell, a hydraulic system fueled by no greater meaning than the survival of its kind.