Advice and strategies to keep going even when the world seems to be asking you to stop

I write because I have no choice in the matter. It’s basically coded into my DNA at this point. I have a kid, and so I know that biological need to recreate and protect your offspring. I feel a similar compulsion when it comes to sharing my ideas and stories. Perhaps it’s an extreme form of attention-seeking or arrogance? Nah, I’m actually quite afraid of getting too much attention, because what I write about isn’t nice or pretty. The poetry that speaks most to me is the angry vile stuff that criticises everything. The artworks I like are sensational and challenging. The stuff I like to write about is confessional, warped, and often surreal enough to be based on real life. And, it seems to me not everybody likes that. 

In fact, having suffered from depression on and off for, oh I don’t know, at least the past twenty-or-so years, I have come to find that writing, despite being a hard-baked instinct and drive, also brings me into contact with my worst self, my worst fears, and my incredulity at the indifference the world has shown me at times, even when I thought what I wrote was pretty good. 

A case in point, I have a friend who works in literary publishing as a graphic designer. He’s got loads of contacts that he never shares with me. We are very good mates, but I just don’t think he takes me seriously as a writer. Just the other day, I sent him a link to a new story I wrote which explains a day in the life of a complicated tube. Of course, the tubes are all humans or other mammals, and the story simply highlights the transactional nature of society and the simple facts of life; in one end out the other. In my mind, this story is Kafkaesque. To me, it’s funny and sad, absurd and yet full of truth. My friend didn’t even look at it. I’ve had a sign-up sheet on my website for years and he’s never joined it. When confronted with such indifference even from a very close friend, how can we writers ever hope to continue our craft when we meet the indifference of the entire world?

And that’s really what this article is about… not a moan (that was the set-up), and not a plug (although I did do that too with my tubes story). No my friends, this article is really about how to keep on keeping on. And the only way is to not give a fuck. 

If people ignore you, ignore that they are ignoring you

I know Mark Manson has said this too, and I’m not trying to rip him off. But he’s famous now so he probably doesn’t have to give a fuck about not giving a fuck… if you know what I mean. What I mean about not giving a fuck is that you have to do this just for you. Just for yourself. Do not care for even one second if other people read it or like it or love it or hate it. I am sure you know of at least one song or picture, one book or movie, that you love and everyone around you seems to hate. People are not calibrated to all have the same tastes. In fact, the vast spectrum of weird cliques and kinks, this is one of the most distinctive human qualities that makes me want to write about our strange species. 

You have to remember that your writing is for you first. If you can make money from it or get famous, I’m sure you’d be happy with that. But that can’t be the thing that makes you put pen to paper or finger to keyboard. No. You will burn out with that attitude my friend, as I have done countless times. 

I’ve created stories that I thought would be a good fit for a particular audience, I’ve crafted what I thought were mainstream or pop-farty little meme-bites. I’ve cracked lame jokes and I’ve bared my soul… so far it’s not helped me make any money. So far, I still have my day job and it’s looking more and more like that’s my career, at least for a while longer. That’s ok, fuck that shit. I don’t care. I’m now a middle-aged guy with much fewer qualms about just doing what I want now, as long as I don’t hurt or offend anyone. I just want to write, and I would like people to read my writing but if they don’t do that right away, I can wait. A lot of people died not knowing what it felt like to be successful for their craft. I could name a bunch of people but it might sound arrogant and this piece is getting long now… I can feel you slipping… I’m slipping as this article isn’t even what I wanted to write either. 

About dealing with depression and keeping going, that’s harder. Writing doesn’t always cheer me up. Sometimes it makes me downright depressed. But I can at least move forward now, and I have stopped searching for approval and decided to simply make my writing available to readers if and when they find me. 

So, to all my fellow depressed writers out there, I just want to say: keep going. Do not stop. Do not feel bad if you need to take a break. Do not aim for perfection. Just write it. My mantra is “if you publish it, they will come.”

So, to all my fellow depressed writers out there, I just want to say: keep going. Do not stop. Do not feel bad if you need to take a break. Do not aim for perfection. Some of your writing can be crap, that’s ok, I’m sure some of it will be brilliant too. But the thing is to just get it out there. Write it and publish it. Don’t wait for some agent to get back to you with (if you are lucky) a rejection letter of obtuse platitudes of apathetic corporate slime. Fuck them. Don’t sleep on it for too long or over-edit it. Don’t let Chat-fucking-GPT rewrite it for you and erase the nuance. Don’t worry if you think someone won’t get it or you might offend someone. Just write it. My mantra is “if you publish it, they will come.”

Oh and if you have been depressed as long as me, here are a few genuine tips that have helped me a lot:

First — depressive realism is a thing I learned about that made me feel sane for being depressed. Feminist author and fellow-depressed writer Charlotte Perkins-Gilman once said “In a sick society, women who have difficulty fitting in are not ill but demonstrating a healthy and positive response.” I feel bad stealing this as I’m a bloke, but I think this could apply just as well to mental health issues as gender issues as well, though of course I don’t want to disregard the female experience here. Basically this quote speaks to me because I have always felt there was something utterly wrong with society at large. Just take a look around you; environmental destruction, apathy, a rise in nationalism and hatefulness, misinformation and disinformation, the post-truth era. It’s enough to make you want to scream. Depressive realism argues that being depressed is not unusual, and in fact it is a justified response. So, that means you’re gonna have to fucking live with it. FOREVER. And ever. Amen. So embrace it, and write from your own black heart the most cathartic crazy nonsense you can muster. Fuck it. The weirder, the better. Trust me, people can take it. In general, being dark and having a black sense of humour will not be a serious impediment to finding an audience. This brings me to the next point.

Second thing, keeping going in the face of indifference is hard. So be your own best audience. If you can’t find a publisher, self-publish or set up your own publishing company! If you publish it, they will come. And these days there is nothing to stop you publishing things, anyone can get their stuff out. We live in a great time for that. If it sucks, you can always take it down later if you change your mind. But seeing your stuff out there is always motivating, even if it’s just on your own blog that nobody reads —  not even your best friends. If you have a big project like a book, make the cover first so you can print it out and look at it. It will motivated you to keep going. And when you get one like or one new follower, treat that person well and send them some love back. Someone who gets you is a rare and beautiful thing, so appreciate the numbers even if they are small and slow as fuck. Take every small win and be positive about it.

Third, take care of yourself. You gotta meditate, keep a diary, exercise a little but often, learn to enjoy healthy foods and treat yourself with dark chocolate or good wine or whatever, but try to avoid drinking yourself into a stupor or eating yourself into mess. Being depressed is like having a very strong urge to hurt yourself all the time, a disconnection from your tomorrow-you. I know, I’ve been there and I’ve hurt myself a lot. Maybe this is the real reason my friends ignore me. But lately, after doing a lot of work and slowly training myself to care about myself, I’ve made some breakthroughs. The biggest one; decided that I wanted to be happy. Sounds super trite, jejune even. I know. I didn’t like happy people because Kurt Cobain’s song Dumb made me associate happiness with stupidity. I decided that was dumb. Being happy takes work, it requires self-love and patience, compassion and hard-won wins. 

When you fail or feel blue, you have to tell yourself that you owe it to yourself to keep going a bit longer and do something nice for yourself. When you do that, you can get out of bed and go and write and you will be glad you did. 

You can still be happy, even if you have depression. I know it sounds mad but if depression is a chronic illness then you need to learn to live with it. Depression is not the inability to ever feel happiness. So get that idea out of your head and go write something that empties the black ink of your soul and shares it, rather than letting it infect your bloodstream. 

And finally, I just want to say that if you appreciate me I will appreciate you. Thanks for reading all the way down here. Sign up to my newsletter. Anyone who shares this story or leaves a comment will get my support in return. We are not really in this together, but I know how you feel if you feel alone. So, keep going and remember, if you write it then it’s out of you. Better out than in. And if you publish it, they will come. I’m sure of it. 

Love, Stephen